CV's Ponderings

Stay at home dad of twins...

2012-01-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

My wife and I had (b/g) twins 9 months ago.

Through a series of events I am now a full time stay at home dad. I have learned a few things along the way that may be helpful if you and yours who are in the throws of parenting newborn and infant twins.

I was surprised to find very little information about how to organize our lives prior to having our "littles." My hope is that you won't have to "figure _____ it out on your own." My hope is that my experience might help you think through how you might set things up or figure things out...

I am a better speaker than a typist, so I will be shooting video and uploading them to this site... I wanted to "see" how to set up a diaper "station," I wanted to "see" how to flash pasteurize donated breast milk, I wanted to "see" how to wear two babies at the same time to go for a walk (so I didn't lose my mind with Cabin Fever)... there are many things I hope to show you, so that you may "see" how I do (have done) various "things" for the care of twins...

Please note that I am only a dad, not a professional, I do not have a degree in childhood development, or a special badge that signifies that I know what I'm doing, I'm simply a dad of twins...

I imagine there are many different ways of doing the things I'll try to record here. I hope that you and yours apply some of the ideas and make them your own. I also will recommend products that helped us along the way, as well as "secret recipes" to use as a first resort (unlike our "last resort" experiences).

Paper on Spiritual Leadership... What do you think?

2010-05-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

Identity
There are many people that call themselves leaders, some even call themselves spiritual; spiritual leadership for the Christian is a task that must consider, first and foremost the leadership of God, before making any conclusions dealing with technique or application. This brief thesis will consider the leadership of God, the process of leadership formation according to Jesus and the consequences of such leadership as seen in my story of Vibrant.

God’s leadership is presence. The entire biblical record is an account of God’s presence in and with humanity. God decided to create, draw near, to be present with, and continues to be near to us.
We begin our study of God’s leadership with the story of creation found in the first two chapters of Genesis and the first Chapter of John’s Gospel. In each account we find God the creator present in the process of creation. God initiates the process of creating the world and all things in it, and continues to be present by not only creating, but also, relating with the created.

God’s presence is best seen in the relationship between God and humanity, and prior to the fall, humanity with one another. Relationships can only be sustained and grow by being present with those you are in a relationship with. Presence is crucial to our growth from birth to death, and beyond. God was present with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God was present with Adam and Eve even in the narrative of the fall of humanity.

The fall of humanity, found in Genesis 2-3 (and dealt with throughout all of scripture) captures the breaking of the relationship we have with God and one another. The fall of humanity found in Genesis is an act of objectification and consumption. According to the narrative, Adam and Eve objectified the fruit on the tree, consumed what they were forbidden to eat and suffered the breaking of relationship (trust, hope, union) between them/our-selves and God and with one another.

The complexity and simplicity of the creation and the fall of humanity narrative compel me as a leader to take seriously being present with others as God is present with us.

Here's my brief take on the fall of humanity:
God was in relationship with Adam and Eve. Adam was in relationship with God. Eve was in relationship with God. Adam was in relationship with Eve. Eve was in relationship with Adam. There was relationship and connection with the creation and the creator... (Note: “was”) The relationships broke apart in a selfish act of possession and objectification by Adam and Eve and thus, a rejection of God’s presence with them/us. The outcome of possession and rejection intermingle to instigate mistrust between humanity and one another and a tragic rejection of God’s presence with humanity. Humanity rejected an identity forged in relationship and opted to objectify, the forbidden fruit, one another and God. This objectification is best seen in their shame response by the awareness of their nakedness, covering themselves, and hiding from God.

For Adam and Eve the selflessness of relationship was trumped by the selfish act of possessing the forbidden fruit in order to have objects rather than relationships define them. We often use objects; status, possessions, ideas, philosophies and perceptions define us as well. Leaders, especially spiritual leaders, run the risk of focusing on outcomes rather than presence, our values shift from thinking that the means are the ends in and of themselves (presence), to thinking that the ‘end results’ justify the ‘means’ in which we get there. Means and ends seems to be a philosophical exercise, except that we often focus more attention on outcomes, rather than the process/relationships that make us who we are. Relationships according to a biblical understanding of God’s leadership are both the means and the ends.

As spiritual leaders we must value relationships over and above outcomes based on success, financial sustainability, or destination/arrival thinking.

Here's the way I see the ‘value’ narrative played out in scripture: I don't have what I want, therefore I don't know who I am, maybe if I had another 'possession' or ‘object’ I would know who I am. Right? Adam and Eve reached out to be identified by something other than relationship to God, one another and all of creation. The object became the focus, not the relationship (with one another or with God). We seek (and continue to seek) possessions and objects in our culture to define us. The question becomes, what possesses what? Or who possesses whom? Love is not possession. Love is presence.

Spiritual leadership is driven by love, not possession. God’s love for us is best revealed in Jesus’ presence in humanity. Jesus continued to draw near to us, continuing to be present with us, often saying, “I do what my father does,” in other words; Jesus loved out God’s presence in humanity. Jesus is the embodiment of God’s loving presence with us. Spiritual leaders, like every individual on the planet, are not objects of God, nor are people possessions or commodities. The value for the Christian is not perception, pride, or performance driven; the value is being God’s child. As spiritual Leaders we must see ourselves as dearly loved children.

God communicated creation into being, just as we must be present to hear spoken words: we must also be willing to listen to the words that are spoken by God about who we are as God’s dearly loved children (1 John 4). When we know ourselves as dearly loved children, we will no longer live in fear. God’s perfect love drives out all fear. Spiritual leaders must lead others out of their identity as loved children of God and because of God’s love, purged of all fear, guilt, shame, or any other violence.

God spoke creation into being; therefore speaking and language are vital. John 1 states that the Word was God and the word was with God. God is the word, and is present in creation; God’s presence is in relationship to creation. Jesus, according to John 1 was the word that became flesh and dwelt among us. In essence God literally became the relationship that we were meant to have with God all along. Jesus’ identity was rooted in the relationship with the father. Our identity is now, because of Jesus, rooted in the same relationship with God that Jesus revealed to us. The Spiritual Leader, who often has words to express, must be willing to lead with presence, prior to expressing words or ideas. The identity of the spiritual leader established in God’s presence, may take the form of silence rather than voice.

Spiritual leadership is founded on the relationship and new identity we have in God through Christ. Leadership comes out of the spiritual relationship we have with God and one another. Jesus knew who he was in relationship with the father (Abba), his identity was founded, defined and grew from who he knew himself to be, in light of the Father and by the power of the Holy Spirit. Our challenge as disciples of Jesus is to know who we are in the same relationship that Jesus had. In fact, our identity is the same identity Jesus had in the world, we are Christ in the world, that is who we are, defined by to whom (God) we belong.

Spiritual leadership for Jesus was being present. There is plenty of theology, ideas, leadership conclusions and techniques that get in the way of the reality that we lead out of our identity as Christ in the world. We would rather learn spiritual practices, disciplines, and techniques than to live into the identity Jesus lived into.

There is a difference between presence and availability. Some theology and leadership styles are rooted in the idea that Jesus was always teaching and preaching, rather than being present in the process of life. A prime example of Jesus being present is when he fell asleep in the front of the boat while the storm raged in Mark 4: 35-40. The disciples, thinking they were going to die in the storm, woke Jesus. Jesus’ presence allowed him the ability to sleep during a storm, heal the hemorrhaging woman, exhibit patience with the disciples, enjoy parties and weddings, endure the cross, and be present through the resurrection.

The difference between Discipleship and Christian Education
Being a disciple is different than being a follower of Jesus. Disciples are willing to be confused, curious, and content in the mysteries of God. Followers on the other hand, often like short answers and easy, non-faith inducing challenges to feel good about their perceived “relationship to Jesus.” Jesus commanded the disciples to go and make disciples, not mere followers or converts. The difference between followers and disciples is most keenly stated in John 6.

Discipleship is the process of giving up your individual comfort values rooted in your identity (conclusions, expectations, and competencies) for the faith inducing (and often painful) experiences of being transformed into Christ-likeness. Discipleship is the transformation of identity. Values shift when we are willing to allow God to transform us, we must want to be like Jesus. God’s love for us will not let us stay the same, nor will God’s love for us tolerate the injustices in the world. We participate in the love, grace and hope of God in the world by being a part of the body of Christ.
We are not merely (just) the hands and feet of Jesus (according to I Corinthians 12:27 NLT), we are Christ’s body on earth, and in essence we are Jesus in the world. Discipleship cannot happen outside the context of Christian community, otherwise known as church. Discipleship is individual growth in Christ in the context of church.

Although there is value and merit to Christian education, history, and theology, it is not the same as discipleship. Christian education often avoids the difficulty and faith inducing challenges of being in community. Christ came to reestablish our relationship to God and to one another. Spiritual formation must go beyond knowledge about Jesus to actually living as Christ. Spiritual formation and discipleship are always in the context of relationship, not solely based on education; therefore any program, strategy or proposal must be contextualized in relationship.
The Spiritual Leader must embody the identity of a disciple, prior to any other ideas of leadership. When the issue of leadership came up for those disciples closest to Jesus, he washed their feet and told them to do like-wise. The first shall be last and the last shall be first rarely resonates with leadership models. Humbleness is a rare attribute of leadership, but necessary according to Jesus. Servant-hood is an essential part of being present. We are called to serve as disciples of Jesus.
Spiritual Leadership according to Jesus is presence through service, acknowledging our identity as God’s daughters and sons, and being willing to have our values transformed are the ways to become greatest in the kingdom.

Servant-hood; however, doesn’t sell many books, nor is it populist to value humbleness. In fact, the value of leadership (spiritual leadership included) is competency, education, technique and pride. Opposite from the biblical narrative, we commandeer leadership values and expectations taught in business and endorse them as Christian. The church rarely celebrates the ones who consistently participate in serving the “least of these.” We celebrate the designers of the programs, the ones who come up with the economically sustainable program that helps people: rather than the ones who ‘love their neighbor’ because that is who they are according to God.
Servant leadership

The greatest among you will be the one who serves, is a lesson that is difficult for us to accept simply because the outcomes are not quantifiable. We are called to serve one another out of love. Love is a commitment to be present in relationship. God’s promise to us is a commitment to be present with us, never abandoning us, participating with us in celebration and despair. Love is presence. We are Christ in the world, meaning Christ is our identity. As leaders we are called to serve others by being Christ.

The redemption of Peter after the resurrection found in John 21: 1-22 is a fascinating glance into the difference between Peter’s emotion and the way we are to participate in servant-hood. Peter’s redemption is directly connected with living out his faith as a leader by being a servant.

Peter’s emotional response to Jesus question about his love for him (Jesus) is striking, in that we must move beyond defining love as a feeling to love being defined as a commitment. Jesus is leading Peter into a restored identity, established in commitment and lived out in service. In order to be a Christian Spiritual Leader we must move from God’s love being only emotive, to a restored identity and lived out in service.

Spiritual Leadership is established in the identity of ‘who’ Jesus is in relationship to God the father, the Holy Spirit, and to all of humanity. We find ourselves in Jesus. We need relationship with God, in order to have relationship with one another (Note: relationship is without the plural, relationships). Our identity will never be found in our ability to lead; only in Christ do we have an identity. Serving alone will not give us an identity either; only in Christ do we have an identity. Jesus’ identity and subsequent leadership was established in his relationship with the Father (God), while continuing to be present in humanity. Divinity wasn’t his only identity, nor was leadership; his primary source of identity was in relationship to the Father (God). In order to lead, we must first recognize our identity in Christ.

Many leaders, even spiritual leaders depend on leadership for their identity, not God. We miss the whole point of servant-hood when we bypass identity and immediately attempt to find ourselves in serving, leading or any other way. Imagine if Peter, feeling guilty for rejecting Jesus three separate times the night Jesus was arrested, tried illegitimately, and sent to Pilate was only motivated by penance and guilt to serve tell others about Jesus? Peter was restored by love in order to serve by Jesus. The motivation Peter felt, prior to his restoration, would be from feeling guilty, ashamed. His perceived need was to perform as the leader he thought he should be because he would feel like he owed God penance, rather than living into a restored identity. Peter’s motivation came from his identity founded on love and, after being restored, living into that love identity through serving, feeding, and being present.

Sources
Most of the books written on leadership fail to address the underlying motivations we have as leaders. More times than not, Christian leadership authors focus attention on technique, how to(s), and performance based philosophies to compel their readers to behave differently, completely missing the point that we are restored by Jesus to be present in order to ‘love’ into our identities as Christ in the world. The traditional disciplines, or practices are encouraged for answering the question, “what does Jesus want me to do today?” as opposed to, “how am I, (motivated) with love being my identity, to be Christ in the world today?” Motivation through restored identity is virtually non-existent in most Spiritual Leadership books due to a conclusion that Jesus wants us to be better people in the world and that we should feel guilty about the cross, our sin and the brokenness of the world.

The measures of success are the primary indicators of motivation; in other words, if you want to know the motivation of a leader you look for what they use to measure success. The ‘Missional’ church’s motivation can be clearly seen in Darrell L. Guder’s book, Missional Church: A vision for the Sending of the Church in North America as understanding the culture, cultivating, calling, and equipping people to go and do something for Jesus, reducing the church to an activity, rather than being Christ in the world. Technique is often a disguise of the motivation of power and control of an organization. Although technique can be helpful in discussions about organizations there is absolutely, positively, no benefit to technique if the only value is numerical growth and financial gain. The value of a new identity in Jesus is being, love(d). Love must be the identity that compels us, who we are in light of who God is allows us to be, as Jesus would put it, “Salt and Light in the world.”

OFF-ROAD Disciplines: Spiritual Adventures of Missional Leaders by Earl Creps screams (upper case font in the title) that the Spiritual Leader must be relevant in the post-modern church and post-Christian culture in order to navigate the changes that are inevitable for the leader in order to remain ‘in power’ by using the very disciplines to simply ‘be’ with God. According to Creps the motivation is for the leader to figure out how to wrap spiritual language around technique in order to disguise the need power and control of an organization. Note: Most books that use the word ‘Missional’ in the title are merely an attempt to maintain the structures that be, by adopting ‘relevant’ language so that power and control can resume. Creps attempts to describe the spiritual practices as pathways to God for individuals and organizations; however, it’s difficult not to see the motivation is to manipulate people to do what they are supposed to in an organization.
Most Christian Leadership books written on the subject of implementing Spiritual Disciplines end up highlighting the disciplines as performance for God or focused on tangible outcomes. Campolo and Darling’s collaborative work THE GOD OF Intimacy AND ACTION: Reconnecting Ancient Spiritual Practices, Evangelism, and Justice is a prime example of ‘if, then” theology. The book’s author’s basic premise is that if we practiced the spiritual disciplines more, then we would be more prone to act Justly in the world. This farce seems to lead the reader to, yet again fall prey to the idea that if I were a better person, performing better practices, then I would be a better person in the world. The practices are valuable in that we more know who we are by spending time with the source of our identity.

Tony Campolo reiterated performance and guilt-ridden motivation during our face-to-face time in class. We are called to be Christ in the world, not pretend or behave how we think God wants us to. We cannot behave, we must be. God’s love for us is freedom, not a new set of rules for us to follow and therefore get others to assimilate to (evangelism). We must live into our identity as new creations, transformed by Jesus. Leaders who are not transformed and don’t know who they are will continue to preach ‘if, then’ theology. Guilt and shame may work momentarily to get people to behave differently: however, the motivation will quickly die (or needful of semantics change) in order to remain relevant.

The king of changing semantics in the Christian sub-culture is none other than Leonard Sweet. Although Sweet, in other literary works, is fascinated by ‘word-smithing’ new words into being for Christian leaders to wrangle with, The Jesus Manifesto for the 21st Century Church that he wrote with Frank Viola is actually helpful to the identity motivation this thesis is attempting to draw attention. The Jesus Manifesto is primary to our understanding of who Jesus is, and makes a strong case that the church has fallen away from Jesus, and therefore, must be Christ in the world. The value of such a document is that God invites us back to discipleship, transformation, and identity through it. Sweet and Viola simply state truth, the consequences are significant if we move away from ‘how to’ techniques, performance values and success motivation and embrace our identity as Christ’s loved daughters and sons. Moving away form technique demands that we let go of our perceived outcomes. “If” we value business success models outcomes, “then” we will be forced to perform to the standards, motivated by our desire to achieve: however, living into our identity as Christ in the world we are made complete, by the grace of God. The Jesus Manifesto gives us a mirror in which our motivation is reflected back to us, according to Paul the mirror is darkly in 1 Corinthians 12: 13. Our values and motivations are not only reflected to us, but our values and motivations are reflected in the world in which we are called to live as Christ. No wonder our world sees through our motivation to an identity that is founded on performance, not as Christ, The Jesus Manifesto is helpful as a mirror.

The small but thought provoking book written by Tony Campolo, Which Jesus?: Choosing Between Love and Power is another helpful book to help us see our motivation and identity. The Jesus that we choose to follow is also the Jesus that we choose to emulate. Spiritual Leadership is founded on an identity; the book captures the idea that we might actually be following, emulating and identifying ourselves with the Jesus of power, rather than Jesus who embodied love. The motivation for some leaders, especially spiritual leaders is often power, not love. Those leaders who choose power over love are often paraded, celebrated and admired for their accomplishments and successes. While a loving leader’s value is established on a clear identity, founded on love and motivated by presence.

Although the book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality by Anthony deMello, was not assigned for the class on leadership, it has had a profound impact on my life and ministry. deMello actively pursues the sources for our motivation and concludes that our primary motivation is that we are addicted to power. In fact he states on the last page of the book:

What kind of feeling comes upon you when you’re in touch with nature, or when you’re absorbed in work that you love? Or when you’re really conversing with someone whose company you enjoy in openness and intimacy without clinging? What kind of feelings do you have? Compare those feelings with the feelings you have when you win an argument, or when you win a race, or when you become popular, or when everyone is applauding you. The latter feelings I call soul feelings. Lots of people gain the whole world and lose their soul. Lots of people live empty, soulless lives because they are feeding themselves on popularity, appreciation and praise, on “I’m o.k., you’re o.k.,” look at me, attend to me, support me, value me, on being the boss, on having power, on winning the race. Do you feed yourself on that? If you do, you’re dead. You’ve lost your soul. Feed yourself on other, more nourishing material. Then you’ll see the transformation…

Our motivation as leaders, more times than not, come from being perceived a certain way by others. Spiritual Leadership according to God is being present, living out our love (d) identity, and serving others. deMello challenges our motivations and, more importantly, our conclusions we have made about who we are to be as leaders. Spiritual Leaders, like any leaders are more times than not motivated to continue leading, not out of calling, but out of accolades. The challenge for us is to remember our identity in love and, although affirming at times, accolades have their place they cannot be our motivation.
The biggest challenge to leadership is power. Our job as leaders is to love, be present, and experience life with our people. The more expectations we have on people (even ourselves) the further away we are from our identity. When we depend on anyone other than God for our identity the only path will be performance, self-absorbed, and co-dependent relationships. Once we are aware of our identity in Christ, as Christ in the world we no longer need to be liked to know who we are. Christian Spiritual Leadership is founded on the love of Christ not power, control or techniques.
Vibrant’s History in Brief
In the summer of 2004, Vibrant Covenant Church began in east-side urban Portland with the goal of being community to one another and Christ in our neighborhoods as described in Acts 2:42-47. We started with a young, mostly twenty-something group of nine transplants from First Covenant and Trinity Covenant (Salem) who were abundant in passion, vision, and energy, but short on financial resources.

The collective vision was to be a church that centered on small community groups (C-Groups) that would be the hub of caring for one another and the community at large. These groups started in August of 2004, and have currently grown to five groups of eight to ten people that meet weekly in homes and public places across urban Portland. C-groups not only focus attention on the Bible through questions from the previous week’s gathering, but also on praying for one another and serving with one another once a month in a ministry of compassion at food banks, shelters, and schools.

Our preview services started in September 2004 with 55 people (consisting mostly of supportive friends and family from other congregations) and concluded in November 2004 at Sunnyside Environmental School with 19 participants. During that three-month period, we engaged the community door-to-door and served the school through work projects to build momentum and raise awareness about our upcoming weekly gatherings. In December of 2004, we began meeting weekly at the Sunnyside location. Due to the expense of rent with the Portland School District and the immense workload on a small number of committed participants, we collectively made the decision to meet in First Covenant’s basement space during the spring of 2005 in order to grow our base and focus on becoming a sustainable ministry.

Initial attempts to raise awareness and publicity in the neighborhood were met with opposition in the form of “hate mail” and public efforts to engage the city to prohibit us from displaying directional signage to our gathering. However, we did experience slow growth via word of mouth and through an online presence, which has brought us 33 active members and 50-55 regular attendees. These attendees reflect our initial core- group of young, transitional and financially strapped individuals. Many in our congregation work in helping professions (medical, education, social services), have or are pursuing graduate degrees, and are actively involved in the outdoors and/or the arts.

In 2006 and 2007, many of our ministries were launched with lots of energy, but lacked the resources to fully live into the vision that we had for them. Our members became exceedingly weary and disheartened. In early 2008, we experienced additional hardship due to the surprising departure of our church chair and a part-time worship staff member. Our community felt their absence deeply and grieved family members who we believed to have shared our vision and values. Thanks to God’s grace, our community has healed over time. Recently, we have had two of our young families move out of state to complete medical fellowships and some of congregants have lost employment, further stressing our tight financial stability.

Despite these difficulties, we have sustained a number of solid ministries, including Children’s Ministry, JAC, Worship and C-groups. Vibrant continues to have a unique voice in Portland. We are devoted to Christ and care for one another, yet still desire to be active in Portland life. We are unusual in that we reach the population that is most unreached by the Church as a whole: twenty and thirty year olds, many unmarried and without kids. We differ from other young Portland churches in our commitment to endorsing women in all aspects of ministry, downplaying an entertaining gathering and physical structure, and our intentionality in doing life together. Our story began five years ago in the hearts of a few individuals.

Today, many in our congregation can’t imagine life apart from the Vibrant community.

Practical Outcomes
Being a disciple is different than being a follower of Jesus. Disciples are willing to be confused, curious, and content in the mysteries of God. Followers on the other hand, often like short answers and easy, non-faith inducing challenges to feel good about their perceived “relationship to Jesus.” Jesus commanded the disciples to go and make disciples, not mere followers or converts. The difference between followers and disciples is most keenly stated in John 6.

Discipleship is the process of giving up your individual comfort values rooted in your identity (conclusions, expectations, and competencies) for the faith inducing (and often painful) experiences of being transformed into Christ-likeness. Discipleship is the transformation of identity. Values shift when we are willing to allow God to transform us, we must want to be like Jesus. God’s love for us will not let us stay the same, nor will God’s love for us tolerate the injustices in the world. We participate in the love, grace and hope of God in the world by being a part of the body of Christ.
We are not merely (just) the hands and feet of Jesus (according to I Corinthians 12:27 NLT), we are Christ’s body on earth, in essence, we are Jesus in the world. Discipleship cannot happen outside the context of Christian community, otherwise known as church. Discipleship is individual growth in Christ in the context of church.

Although there is value and merit to Christian education, history, and theology, it is not the same as discipleship. Christian education often avoids the difficulty and faith inducing challenges of being in community. Christ came to reestablish our relationship to God and to one another. Spiritual formation must go beyond knowledge about Jesus to actually living as Christ. Spiritual formation and discipleship are always in the context of relationship, not solely based on education; therefore any program, strategy or proposal must be contextualized in relationship.
My spiritual leadership journey has taken me on quite the faith inducing adventure as of late. I feel hopeful in ministry with an underlying sense of fatigue. Long gone are the days of deep passionate experiences of elation in relationship to Jesus. Now, I find myself sensing God’s presence in the everyday and mundane. Until four or five years ago I based my faith on how close I felt to Jesus. Now, I know that Jesus is close, however, I have a sense of grief and loss over the “all is right with the world” euphoria I experienced in my youth. I’m becoming more familiar with recognizing the areas that God wants to change in me, rather than a continued experience of giddiness’.

The last five years I have struggled through differentiating my egocentric need to perform to my standards and a messiah that has plans for me to relinquish my rights of being who I want to be perceived as. Five years ago my wife, Stacy, and I planted a new church called Vibrant on the east side of Portland. I never knew how much of a struggle it would be to start a church. We had limited resources and only 9 under 25-year-old core group members. As I leaned into what I thought would be the “next new thing in Portland” I found that what God wanted was to grow us in depth, not numbers. I have come to the end of my competency over and over during this process of maturity.

I had the naive and prideful notion that I would become a ‘rock star’ preacher that everyone would want to come and hear on Sundays, not knowing that God would change my values of preaching. I wanted to ‘be a player’ on the stages of conferences and brag about all that God had done through me. I realize, now, that it has been God’s grace to value what ‘is’ rather than what ‘will be’: however, it has been a painful process to have my pride revealed in it’s raw and immature form.

I’m beginning to understand myself as loved by God rather than the one in whom God finds great joy in disciplining. The exercise of faith it has required for me to lead a congregation of 20-somethings has been exhausting. Over the last five years we have thought about every way to ‘be’ church; however, the commitment it takes to ‘be’ church must be palpable. I have had my life threatened, resignation demanded, and blamed for a myriad of issues in relationship to Vibrant. There have been core leaders that chose to leave poorly and in turn draw out others with them in their wake.

The leadership team is comprised of 9 people all under the age of 30, none of which have ever been a part of any other church (other than youth group). My role has been one of ‘cat herding.’ At any moment we can go off on a tangent and never come back to the tasks at hand.

The main reason for me to explore a Doctorate of Ministry in Spiritual Formation and Leadership is because I need some stability in my spiritual life. My acceptance into the program came shortly after the congregation’s bank account reached $1200. I know that my position as the pastor of Vibrant is temporary, however, I didn’t expect, nor did I realize that we were in such dire straights until the financial officer called me last August.

Although we weathered the storm of a potential financial demise, we still are in the midst of asking serious questions about our identity and the ownership by the congregants of our church. I desire new language to wrap around our Vibrant experience and I believe that I need new language to understand God more fully. The gift of a program like this, for people like me, is palpable in my everyday life.

I am hopeful in my spiritual journey today. I am aware of my tendency to become numb to my experience by disengaging, becoming angry with the congregation for not letting me be a ‘rock star’ or being frustrated with God’s absence. I feel ready to do something different, new and challenging in my life in Jesus.

Spiritual Leadership for me is being present with the people God has entrusted to my care, and I am entrusted to their care. I live Spiritual Leadership best when I am aware of my motivation to me Christ. To be a Christian Spiritual Leader I must ask questions, holding on to identity and allowing the process of responsibility take hold in people’s lives. As I lead leaders, I rely heavily on being present; realizing that being present may actually be one of the most difficult things to live into.

I was surfing down in Malibu California a few months ago. When I was in the water I was thinking about all the things that needed to be done at Vibrant, at home and everywhere else. I don’t know how much time passed while I was worrying, but at some point, when I ‘woke’ up sitting in the ocean on my surfboard, I decided to scratch “Be Here Now” in the surfboard wax, to remind me of being present.

As I grow into a being Christ identity, I am aware of how difficult it is to not be motivated by power, success and outcomes. At this point in time I am content asking questions about who we are and letting go of outcomes. Performance is becoming less of a desire as I lean into my identity as a love (d) son, adopted by grace, to be Christ in the world. My need for affirmation has also been shaped by this awareness that now, when someone complements me on a sermon delivery, I immediately think to ask, “what will you take away today?” The accolades of the past seem so foreign in light of my experience with Vibrant. Being the designated Spiritual Leader also demands that I be a learner. Gone is the idea that I am a pied piper, leading the march to go see Jesus. Now I address that Jesus is present with us, His promise is to never leave us or forsake us. We believe into that promise, exercising our faith that God is with us, always.

Ever-presence relating to God is a powerful idea that corresponds with our new identity as Christ in the world. We live in the freedom that we are loved. Our value comes from with in. If we believed that we are truly loved, we would be Christ in the world, we couldn’t help it.

As the appointed spiritual leader of Vibrant, I get to affirm the identity of other leaders in the context of grace and love. I get to proclaim freedom for the oppressed, draw near, without fear, to those that are hurting, broken and who despair, simply because that is who I am in Christ Jesus. Affirming that same identity in those whom I get to share life with is an honor, and everything… and I mean everything… is gravy!

Vibrant Spiritual Formation

2010-04-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

Hello All,
Here is a paper I wrote for a class in my doctorate of ministry through George Fox:

Statement of Theology of Spiritual Formation
One of the major trademarks of the human condition is to ask questions that force us to think beyond ourselves in order to extract meaning for our lives. Such questions as: “Why we are here,” “Who are we?” “Where did we come from?,” or “Where we are going?” cause us to explore every aspect of our being internally and externally. Theology is a way for us to ponder who made us and what purpose we have in light of a supreme being. Every culture in the world has a system of religious beliefs to explain how things were, how things are and how things will be in the future.
As our culture has become more individually focused and the continued expansion of the science we ask the same questions humanity has always asked, but now we have more information and fervor to prove our existence. The core of the questions we ask are rooted in who we think we are and our lives (often) become attempts to assert ourselves to others; however, more times than not we merely try to assert who we want to be to ourselves.
An individual person is spiritually formed with these questions. A group of individuals get together with like-minded and like-hearted questions to reach some conclusions in order to live in a system that makes sense. Atheist, Hindu, Buddhist, Agnostic, Muslim, Christian, Jew, Universalist, Scientist, Physicist, Anthropologist, Communist, indigenous, or any other “ist”, “ism” or “ain” Every group seeks answers to the questions about the world and how we live in it. Spiritual formation is as significant for the Atheist as for the Christian (and the two groups can be as attitudinally rigid about their conclusions about the faults and failings about one another’s belief systems.
There is a song by the musical artist Ben Folds entitled “Bastard”, the chorus says, “Why you have to act like you know, when you don’t know? It’s okay, if you don’t know everything!” The song is meaningful in describing how our search to know everything lends itself to desperation to know everything. When we realize that we don’t know everything (and subsequently, can’t know everything) we begin to ask questions of significance. The most significant question, and the beginning of Christian Spiritual Formation, is asking the question, “Who and I?”
When we ask, “Who am I?” we find out the broader and more meaningful question is, “who’s am I? Or “to whom do I belong?” In our culture we tend to draw near to people that we share common interests, have concluded similar ways of thinking and people that share our same conclusions.
Spiritual formation can also be understood as a process of becoming, or better yet, a process of “be’ing.” We need our lives to have meaning, so we seek relationship with others to give us that meaning, eventually our meaning leads us to ask the question about who gives us meaning when we realize that we cannot derive meaning within ourselves.
Relationship is limited, because we are all selfish. Here's my brief take on the fall of humanity found in the second chapter of Genesis: God was in relationship with Adam and Eve. Adam was in relationship with God. Eve was in relationship with God. Adam was in relationship with Eve. Eve was in relationship with Adam. There was relationship and connection with the creation and the creator... (Note: was)
The relationships broke apart in a selfish act of possession by Adam and Eve. Human relationship is an act of possession rooted in the idea that I want you to make me happy (and if you don’t I will find someone who will, i.e. divorce).
The beauty of the story is that we still fall under the same temptation to define ourselves by relationships we possess.
For Adam and Eve the selflessness of relationship was trumped by the selfish act of possessing the forbidden fruit in order to have something other than relationship that would define them. In other words we reject relationship for object and then treat people, and God, as objects that we possess.
The basic value of our consumer culture is possession, including relationship.
Individual basic values as a culture resides in possession: I don't have what I want, therefore I don't know who I am, maybe if I had another 'possession' (object or relationship) I would know who I am?
Adam and Eve reached out to be identified by something other than relationship... the object became the focus, not the relationship (with one another or with God). We seek (and continue to seek) possessions in our culture to define us. The questions becomes, what possesses what? Or who possesses whom? Love is not possession...
I believe Jesus came to abolish our identity based on possession and re-established relationship (us with God and one another). Christian spiritual formation is the active, participatory response to the invitation of Jesus to become disciples; all other formation is rooted in possession.
You (nor I) will ever be defined by what we possess; including relationships or objects, ever. God's love for us is not possession; God’s love is freedom from possession.
People can believe as strongly about information, science and relationships as Christians do about their need for God, yet it is still possession focused. Even in the evangelical Christian context, our relationship with God is presented as something we possess, not an active experience of participation in becoming.
Spiritual Formation for the Christian begins with and awareness that we need a relationship with God. We need God to define us. Our relationship to God must be reestablished in order for us to understand that God’s love is (was) not possession, but freedom.
One cannot be defined outside relationship. Christian spiritual formation is the active, willing, intentional, act of participating in God’s transformative love that reconciles all relationship(s).
God’s love for us was a catalyst for Jesus to be born, live, teach, be present, perform miracles, be tried illegally, sentenced to death, murdered, abandoned, crucified, dead, put in a tomb, and then beyond anything we could make up or imagine, live again by the power of the resurrection, we are reconciled to God and to one another. Relationship to God is possible and we get to respond to the invitation of Jesus to be transformed from who we once were, into who we are in the eyes of the loving God. We belong to God, daughters and sons, adopted by God because of what Christ has done for us.
Spiritual formation is motivated by our need for relationship, affirmation of our identity and worldview. Christian Spiritual formation is focused on the transformative work of Jesus within us to be come disciples (not mere followers). The process of discipleship is rooted in relationship with God and with one another in a community of faith known as church.
Church is a group of God’s daughters and sons, not a building, address or location. Spiritual formation occurs within the context of church as well as in individual experiences. Spiritual formation assumes growth within individuals and also growth in the community. Our experiences help to shape one another as God transforms us.
The map for Christian spiritual formation is rooted in scripture and by the power of the Holy Spirit we are shaped into Christ-likeness. Discipleship is not only acceptance, reconciliation, and redemption for the individual respondent, it is also for the sake of other disciples.
Ministry Context
In the summer of 2004, Vibrant Covenant Church began in east-side urban Portland with the goal of being community to one another and Christ in our neighborhoods as described in Acts 2:42-47. We started with a young, mostly twenty-something group of nine transplants from First Covenant and Trinity Covenant (Salem) who were abundant in passion, vision, and energy, but short on financial resources.
The collective vision was to be a church that centered on small community groups (C-Groups) that would be the hub of caring for one another and the community at large. These groups started in August of 2004, and have currently grown to five groups of eight to ten people that meet weekly in homes and public places across urban Portland. C-groups not only focus attention on the Bible through questions from the previous week’s gathering, but also on praying for one another and serving with one another once a month in a ministry of compassion at food banks, shelters, and schools.
Our preview services started in September 2004 with 55 people (consisting mostly of supportive friends and family from other congregations) and concluded in November 2004 at Sunnyside Environmental School with 19 participants. During that three-month period, we engaged the community door-to-door and served the school through work projects to build momentum and raise awareness about our upcoming weekly gatherings. In December of 2004, we began meeting weekly at the Sunnyside location. Due to the expense of rent with the Portland School District and the immense workload on a small number of committed participants, we collectively made the decision to meet in First Covenant’s basement space during the spring of 2005 in order to grow our base and focus on becoming a sustainable ministry.
Initial attempts to raise awareness and publicity in the neighborhood were met with opposition in the form of “hate mail” and public efforts to engage the city to prohibit us from displaying directional signage to our gathering. However, we did experience slow growth via word of mouth and through an online presence, which has brought us 33 active members and 50-55 regular attendees. These attendees reflect our initial core- group of young, transitional and financially strapped individuals. Many in our congregation work in helping professions (medical, education, social services), have or are pursuing graduate degrees, and are actively involved in the outdoors and/or the arts.
In 2006 and 2007, many of our ministries were launched with lots of energy, but lacked the resources to fully live into the vision that we had for them. Our members became exceedingly weary and disheartened. In early 2008, we experienced additional hardship due to the surprising departure of our church chair and a part-time worship staff member. Our community felt their absence deeply and grieved family members who we believed to have shared our vision and values. Thanks to God’s grace, our community has healed over time. Recently, we have had two of our young families move out of state to complete medical fellowships and some of congregants have lost employment, further stressing our tight financial stability.
Despite these difficulties, we have sustained a number of solid ministries, including Children’s Ministry, JAC, Worship and C-groups. Vibrant continues to have a unique voice in Portland. We are devoted to Christ and care for one another, yet still desire to be active in Portland life. We are unusual in that we reach the population that is most unreached by the Church as a whole: twenty and thirty year olds, many unmarried and without kids. We differ from other young Portland churches in our commitment to endorsing women in all aspects of ministry, downplaying an entertaining gathering and physical structure, and our intentionality in doing life together. Our story began five years ago in the hearts of a few individuals.
Today, many in our congregation can’t imagine life apart from the Vibrant community.
The difference between Discipleship and Christian Education
Being a disciple is different than being a follower of Jesus. Disciples are willing to be confused, curious, and content in the mysteries of God. Followers on the other hand, often like short answers and easy, non-faith inducing challenges to feel good about their perceived “relationship to Jesus.” Jesus commanded the disciples to go and make disciples, not mere followers or converts. The difference between followers and disciples is most keenly stated in John 6.
Discipleship is the process of giving up your individual comfort values rooted in your identity (conclusions, expectations, and competencies) for the faith inducing (and often painful) experiences of being transformed into Christ-likeness. Discipleship is the transformation of identity. Values shift when we are willing to allow God to transform us, we must want to be like Jesus. God’s love for us will not let us stay the same, nor will God’s love for us tolerate the injustices in the world. We participate in the love, grace and hope of God in the world by being a part of the body of Christ.
We are not merely (just) the hands and feet of Jesus (according to I Corinthians 12:27 NLT), we are Christ’s body on earth, in essence we are Jesus in the world. Discipleship cannot happen outside the context of Christian community, otherwise known as church. Discipleship is individual growth in Christ in the context of church.
Although there is value and merit to Christian education, history, and theology, it is not the same as discipleship. Christian education often avoids the difficulty and faith inducing challenges of being in community. Christ came to reestablish our relationship to God and to one another. Spiritual formation must go beyond knowledge about Jesus to actually living as Christ. Spiritual formation and discipleship are always in the context of relationship, not solely based on education; therefore any program, strategy or proposal must be contextualized in relationship.
Specific Strategies, Proposals for Spiritual Formation/Discipleship in Vibrant
The Worship Gathering
The first strategy for Vibrant is to conclude that a worship gathering on Sunday mornings is for the purpose of celebration, communion, and introduction to the scripture that will be discussed and implemented in weekly C)ommunity groups. The spoken word is merely an introduction to the passage of scripture, not an easily consumed, convenient nugget of information for individuals to digest and implement during the week.
The goal of the speaker team (made up of the pastor and lay leaders) is to first (and foremost) read the passage of scripture in its entirety (usually an entire chapter of scripture so that it will be in context). The second goal is to tell a personal story of connection with the passage (this could be a memory, event, or a perspective derived from other passages found in scripture). The third (and final) goal for the speaker and the spoken word is to present the questions to be asked during C)ommunity groups. Relevance, applicability, and delivery are un-important in light of the scripture that is read out loud; therefore, if nothing else were to happen on Sunday morning other than the reading of the Bible (and communion) it would be worship.
Another component of the worship gathering that encourages individual growth are questions in the bulletin specifically designed so each person in the congregation ponders the passage of scripture in their daily life. These questions rely on individual pursuit of faith in Jesus. The hope is that a particular passage of scripture is read 3 times during a given week; therefore, there is room for transformation to happen simply through exposure to the Biblical narrative.
Communion is also a component of every worship gathering we celebrate. The book of Acts reveals the infant church celebrated the Lord’s Supper every time they got together. We celebrate communion every Sunday. Weekly Communion has been transformative for our community, because we are aware of our co-participation in God’s love and grace as a community of faith.
C)ommunity groups
The primary way of “being” church, in the Vibrant context is c-groups. Our community groups are the primary way for us to know others and to be known. Christ is made known through the scripture and our response in the world. Community groups are set up all over the city for people to participate in “being” church.
Spiritual formation happens weekly in the groups by sharing life, focusing on scripture and praying for one another.
A typical c-group is organized around a meal or snack, usually at someone’s home. C-group time consists of:

15 min Connecting time and catch-up/ introductions
25 min Life-Story/Scripture Questions
20 min Prayer Requests
10 min Praying

Parajorn (journeying together)
As people grow deeper in faith through c-groups it becomes necessary for us to implement a relationship called Parajorn. We encourage people who want to grow deeper in their faith to experience one to one relationships. Parajorn relationships are based on sharing life together, praying for one another, and affirming God’s presence in one another’s lives.
Parajorn participants decide how often they would like to meet (from weekly to monthly). After the first few meeting times of sharing life stories the Parajorn-ers, ask one another, “How goes it in your walk with Christ?” After both have shared each asks the other, “How can I be praying for you?” This relationship is simple and transformative by the work of God’s love in our lives.
Warmth of Friends
A few years ago I heard a story about an artist who wanted to see what a collaborative, communal, relational art experience would be like if he asked a friend to stand outside in the snow in front of a empty 50 gallon steel drum all night. His friend agreed, and the artist asked for 5 email addresses in his personal contact list. The artist sent an email to the 5 friends and simply stated, “your friend is standing outside in the snow all night, would you bring him warmth?” The artist observed what happened 10 stories above the courtyard as people began arriving with wood, drinks, coats, and tents. Of the 35 people that showed up to bring the friend ‘warmth’ 20 stayed with the man all night to share in what became a “party.”
Vibrant has had seasons of warmth of friends, usually in the winter. The idea is simple, invite groups of people over to be together. Our warmth of friends isn’t nearly as dramatic as the story above, but it has had a tremendous impact on the ongoing narrative of our community. We are spiritually formed in the discipline of being together, we are all to often too busy to be present with one another to enjoy community. Warmth of friends is a way for us to enjoy the discipline of saying yes to Jesus.
Roots and Growth: Christian Education
There have been times for Christian Education in the life of Vibrant. We have had periods of desiring to grow deeper in our knowledge of Godly things. Early in the life of our congregation we were challenged by our expectation to have some sort of “Sunday School” experience. A small group of like-minded, intelligent people got together to vision what Christian Education would look like in our context. We came up with the idea to name the basic, foundational theological concepts “Roots” and the deeper issues of culture “Growth.”
“Roots” is more traditional teaching, similar to a Sunday school, education model. The subjects have ranged from reading Dietrich Bonheoffer’s Life Together to in depth study of doctrine. One of the most interesting discussions was on the freedom of humanity.
“Growth” is focused on current issues, events and practical application of faith to the perceived needs around us. Issues around human sexuality, race, and gender have all been approached. “Growth” also looks at the needs in the world, and the present needs in Portland.
We have struggled with the sustainability of “roots and growth” because of lack of commitment, leadership and interest. “Roots and Growth” was birthed out of a group of leaders that wanted something to happen in the area of Christian Education, but didn’t have the ability to sustain it’s leadership. Expectations and replicating experiences we had in the past were primary motivators for the reasoning behind “Roots and Growth.” There are significant outcomes when ministries of replication are designed that usually end with a feeling of disappointment and not measuring up to past experiences. “Roots and Growth” is a primary example of the feeling of disappointment within the leaders of Vibrant.
Conclusion
Vibrant has been, and continues to be, an experiment of faith inducing proportions. We began as a congregation with little experience, a tremendous amount of commitment issues, and lots of expectations: however we have vision and determination to be formed in the likeness of Christ Jesus.
Strategic Spiritual Formation begins with the worship gathering as our primary source for introduction to the scripture, a place for visitors to connect, celebration of all that God has done for us and to empower C)ommunity groups “be” church.
C)ommunity groups are crucial for knowing and being known. We live our faith together, focusing on scripture. We allow God to form us into Christ-likeness through our time together, in the word of God and praying for one another.
Spiritual Formation also occurs through Parajorn relationships by allowing co-journey-ers to share in life together. Parajorn relationships reveal the ways that God is leading and provides ways for us to lean into the life of abundance Jesus has promised to us. Our need for spiritual friends is crucial for us in life, Parajorn is an avenue for us to explore faith in a new way.
Warmth of friends is a wonderful way of sharing in the discipline of community. We are warmed by the love of God when we participate in community. Warmth of friends seems like a party because it is. We can faithfully celebrate the love of God by merely showing up, or inviting people over to simply “be.”
“Roots and Growth” is a work in progress, and for the time being Christian Education is unnecessary in the life of Vibrant. We celebrate when we have the energy and resources to provide information, history, theology and education in the future.
Spiritual formation and discipleship has nothing whatsoever to do with knowledge, education, programs, or information: however, Spiritual Formation and Discipleship does have everything to do with willingness, participation, and commitment to “be” church. Amen.

Is Christianity the end of Consumerism? (Part 2)

2010-03-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering the idea of the fall of humanity lately found in the first part of Genesis. I am compelled by the complexity and simplicity of the narrative.

Here's my brief take on the fall of humanty:
God was in relationship with Adam and Eve. Adam was in relationship with God. Eve was in relationship with God. Adam was in relationship with Eve. Eve was in relationship with Adam. There was relationship and connection with the creation and the creator... (note: was)

The relationships broke apart in a selfish act of possession by Adam and Eve. Consumerism is an act of possession rooted in the idea that I want what I don't have...

The beauty of the story is that we still fall under the same temptation to define ourselves by what we possess.

For Adam and Eve the selfless-ness of relationship was trumped by the selfish act of possessing the forbidden fruit in order to have something other than relationships define them.

The basic value of our consumer culture is possession.

Here's the way I see it: I don't have what I want, therefore I don't know who I am, maybe if I had another 'possession' I would know who I am? Adam and Eve reached out to be identified by something other than relationship... the object became the focus, not the relationship (with one another or with God). We seek (and continue to seek) posessions in our culture to define us. The questions becomes, what possesses what? or who possesses whom? Love is not possession...

I believe Jesus came to abolish our Identity based on possession and re-established relationship (us with God and one another).

You (nor I) will ever be defined by what we possess, ever. God's love for us is not possession, it's freedom from possession.

Christianity is the end to capitalism (and any other 'ism', Brien) Thanks be to God...

Is Christianity the end of Consumerism? (Part 1)

2010-02-26T08:20:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a 10 day intensive face to face experience with my fellow students in the Doctorate of Ministry in Spiritual Formation and Leadership through George Fox Seminary and my head is absolutely swimming.

The content of my classes shared a focus on how our consumerism is an addiction in our culture and is utterly opposed to Jesus' teaching and purpose.

The system of capitalism is dying (or at least stalled). We can observe the breakdown of our economic system and infrastructure. Our economic system is based on consumption.

The fall of humanity found in Genesis is an act of objectification and consumption. According to the narrative, Adam and Eve objectified the fruit on the tree, consumed what they were forbidden to eat and suffered the breaking of relationship (trust, hope, union).

Jesus came to turn the systems of oppression upside-down. The sermon on the mount is a testament to the way the "Kingdom Economy" works. The least of these are the ones in control.

Jesus came to establish a new kingdom, here and now, based on everyone (all humanity) having their basic needs met.

I'm not sure how it all is going to work, but it seems to me that our system (capitallism) based consumerism and consumption must die if we are to follow Jesus.

I became aware of how much time energy and effort I make to buy things I don't need. My consumption deters what God wants to do in me, though me and with me in the world.

I am not what I buy or consume. I am responsible to be salt and light in the world. I am to value Kingdom Economy of Justice. I believe that the values of consumerism cannot stand for justice and that the our system rooted in consumerism is inherently unjust.

So what do we do in light of our consumeristic values that collide with Jesus mandate to care for the poor and oppressed? I think awareness of our own addiction to 'stuff' is a good beginning. The affect of our consumerism is rampant.

Will you join me in repentance? Are you aware of your consumption? Can we live in a "kingdom economy" and participate in an inherently unjust system of oppression? Why are we so attached to things? What values must change?

Song #2 Always Love by Nada Surf

2009-11-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

Theology of Lyric Song #2
Always Love by Nada Surf off the record The Weight is a Gift

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me
Always love Hate will get you every time
Always love Don't wait til the finish line

Slow demands come 'round
Squeeze the air and keep the rest out
It helps to write it down
Even when you then cross it out

But Always Love Hate will get you every time
Always Love even when you wanna fight

Self-directed lives
I want to know what it'd be like to
Aim so high above
Any card that you get dealt you

Always Love
Hate will get you every time
Always love
Hate will get you

I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs,
I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs.
You said
Hey, you good ones.
Hey, you good ones.

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me
Always love hate will get you every time
Always love hate will get you

I've been held back by something
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs,
I've been held back by something
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs
You said..
Hey, you good ones
Hey, you good ones
Hey, you good ones

I like this song a lot... the idea that we are made to love, but 'hate will get you every time.' This song allows the freedom to make the choice to love, even though hate is easier...

I'm prone to make mountains out of my life, in essence, I choose to make things bigger than they are (more daunting and scary).

I (we) must choose to love, even when I'm (we're) held back by: expectations, pride, despair hopelessness, apathy, isolation, desolation, conclusions, etc.

Always Love!

Hate will get you every time!

Theology of Music

2009-11-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

I'm going to attempt to write about the most theologically influential songs that have impacted the way I think about God, life, and church.
I encourage you to listen to the song and make your own conclusions. I also encourage you to think about the most influential songs you have heard and why they are important to you?

Background: I like good lyrics even if the music leaves something to be desired. So, I guess I'm not a purist when it comes to the actual sound... I really like the poetry of lyric and how it moves me to see God in a new light.

The first song I want to focus on is:
BAD by U2 on the album: Wide Awake In America:

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate
If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

Oooh oooh, oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh...

To let it go! And so fade away
To let it go!
And so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping, oh no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes

Oooh oooh, oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh...

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

This desparation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation

Let it go
And so fade away
To let it go, oh yeah
And so fade away
To let it go, oh No
And so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping oh no no

The idea behind the song for me is my role as a pastor. The decision that we make is what we are going to hold onto to define us. To be alive is to be awake... If I could answer all the questions people have, I would refuse, if I could make it all go away (especially the pain in your lives, i would refuse...

Each of us must choose what we are going to hold onto... we must also choose what we are going to let go of... the pain each of us experiences is palpable... the question is wether we are going to let it define us, or if we are going to let it go...

We are invited to let go of what we cling to to define us, and cling to love that will define us.

I have chosen to let go of the pain of the past in order to experience freedom and I believe that happens only through Jesus who is the Christ...

What is God calling you to let go of?

What defines you?
This desparation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation?

Could it be that Love defines you?

rock on
cv

Life too short = not paying attention

2009-07-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

So I had a friend of mine send me a message on on my 39th birthday (yesterday) saying that she thinks 39 is old. Well, that caused me to ponder a bit about the question of life being short? and if I believed "life was flying by?"

In some ways my memory deceives me a bit into thinking that time has "flown." Reality, however is that a lot of experiences and life has happened in my lifetime. Events, celebrations, grief, pain, joy, commitment, faith, blood, sweat, tears, hopes and dreams all have been a part of those experiences.

When I think about all the places I've been, the things I've seen, and the number of people I have had the honor to meet I am amazed I haven't needed more time.

I guess life is all about perspective, maybe time flies when we aren't paying attention?

Nostalgia is not what is seems to be...

2009-06-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

I've read and seen the movie 'the watchmen.' Throughout the book an ad campaign called "Nostalgia" is seen everywhere. On billboards, TV, in newspapers... everywhere.

Stacy and I just got back from OKC yesterday for her 20 year high school reunion. It was interesting to be an outside observer of nostalgia in action. The strange thing is that most everyone there had this past relationship in HS, but life moved forward and all that is left are nostalgic memories of the past.

In 'Watchmen' 'Nostalgia' is a fragrance. My experience of the reunion was like observing people with different fragrances of nostalgia... some people had too much on, others, not enough.

My point is that nostalgia defines the past the way you want it to be... and keeps one from being present in the now.

Maybe the point of watchmen is that we glorify the past, therefore we cant see the present.

Note: High School reunions are a bit painful to observe... I can't wait for mine!

Noela Drive - Ka Lani Lua

2009-05-31T13:24:00.001-07:00

So today marks the end of my 9 day stint in Hawaii overlooking Waikiki. I have been the 'house-sitter' for my father-in-law. He is the property manager for the house.

The house sits up on diamond-head overlooking a huge park (Kapiolani) and all the hotels of Waikiki. I have surfed everyday, in board shorts (not a 5 ml wetsuit). Stacy came in over the weekend and we had a great time hanging out together. I miss her and will get to see her soon... I have enjoyed being away. But I'm glad to be coming back to what I know and to people who know me.

I used to go on vacation and think, 'I want to live here.' Like, as if life would be better if I'm on vacation all the time. This trip was different, although I was able to hang out and surf, I still had responsibilities. I had tasks that I had to be responsible for, things that needed to get done. That responsibility was/is a great gift.

Ususally, on a vacation, I think only about what's next on the agenda not about the plants that have yet to be watered or the pool that needs more chlorine. On vacation I think, ' that pool looks fun to swim in,' not, 'I think the tiles need some scrubbing.'

Anywhoo, it's been a much different trip... I'll write more later...

I was given a taste of what life would be like, if by chance, we were to move here.

List of Creatures I've seen... Grand Cayman, BWI

2009-05-09T07:16:00.000-07:00

School of Silversides: Tiny Minnows
School of Jacks
French Grunts
Needle fish
Juvenile French Angel Fish
Green Anemone
Shrimp
Reef Squid
Souther Stingray
Eagle ray
Turtles
Green Morey Eel
Spotted Morey
Grouper
Snapper
Spotted Drum
Fairy Basslet
Blue, Brown and Yellow Chromis
Blue and Yellow Tang
Tarpon
And...

Eden Rock: Time to Dive

2009-05-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well... I'm in Grand Cayman, BWI (British West Indies) about to go diving for the 3rd time today. I used to work here, long ago. Everything has changed on the land... but underwater... oh man... is it beautiful!

We are going to dive as a whole family at a place called Eden Rock. I don't have my camera or video... all I have to do is be present...

I will write of our adventure later.

The time is now...

2009-04-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

The time is now: To:
Love
Be Thankful
Hope
Dream
Say Hello
Reconcile Friendships
Be Family
Commit
Grieve
Laugh
Play
Sing
Relax
Be Joyful
Rest
Respond
Be at Peace
Rest
Enjoy Life
Love Abundantly
Forgive
Amen...

Maundy Thursday Thoughts

2009-04-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

Today marks the events that transpired 2000ish years ago in the city of Jerusalem. Jesus washed his disciples feet, shared the last supper with them, cried out to God with agony and anguish to take the 'cup' from him (meaning the ensuing events that lead to his crucifixion), and was betrayed by Judas Iscariot in the garden of Gethsemane.

We remember the sacrifice, the overwhelming responsibility of our role in the death of Jesus, and we remember that we are to serve the way that Jesus served us... We must learn to be vulnerable enough to allow the Christ to wash our feet, and willing enough to wash the feet of others.

may it be so... in one word... amen

Found Art in Little Somalia

2009-03-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

I'm about to go 'help' with a found art project for Somali relocated refugee kids. I have a feeling that it will be a challenge for me. The collision of culture tends to make me feel uncomfortable. I also feel discomfort that really knowing the kids stories don't happen quickly enough for me.
Sometimes I'm surprised at my desire for depth in relationships with out time investment. I guess I am prone to act on my consumerism... even (or especially) in relationships...

hmmm?

Knowing the path... and walking the path

2009-03-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

In the Matrix Trilogy, two of the main characters, one named Morpheus, the other, Neo, were speaking to each other about the quest they were on.
Morpheus states that, "there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
I believe that living into the path is crucial to life.
Without walking the path we sit idol.
Our apathy convinces us that we are waiting for things to happen... like the child who doesn't want to take a nap... we don't want to miss out on anything...

We are missing out while we wait...

I know the path, it's time to walk it...

Ephesians 5: 14

Sanctification is a process...

2009-03-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about sanctification... 'to be set apart for special purpose'... and I think that we all are being set apart for special purpose... isn't that what it means to be compelled to follow Jesus?

I'm learning that things like sanctification and transformation (and other words that end with 'tion') have some ambiguity around the amount of time it takes to become those things...

I don't believe one can make a case (Biblically) that God is all that interested in arrival, efficiency or destination. Although those are ideas I find compelling because they are comforting. Arrival, efficiency, and destination remove the possibility of sanctification, and transformation because the focus is on the end result not the process...

We might ask ourselves; "In what ways are we more like Jesus today than we were yesterday?," or, "What areas of life does God want to transform?"

Maybe our questions that we reflect on have something to do with our (un)willingness to embrace Sanctification and transformation?

Thoughts?

Observance of Holy Lent Invitation

2009-02-25T11:26:00.001-08:00

We are about to embark on a journey that will take us through the life, death, burial and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. This season is a reminder of all the ways we are in need of God. This season is similar to Advent in that we wait and listen for God’s “still, small voice.”

Traditionally, the Lenten season has been a time to fast, exercise abstinence and penitence in commemoration of Jesus’ fasting in the wilderness for 40 days. I would like to encourage each of you to consider giving up, or adding to your life in a meaningful way that would help you focus on God.

Pray as you consider what God would invite you to ‘give up.’ God may compel you to add something to your schedule, rather than take away. Stacy and I are going to abstain from eating meat over Lent. I will also be practicing Yoga each day during these 40 days.

The benefits of abstinence are reviled as you practice. Fasting is a way for you and I to be aware that God is present in our lives.

I encourage you to pray through the possibilities of your season of Lent, my prayers are with you as you practice faith.

Grace and peace,
cv

Preparation for Lent: The easy target of Mardi Gras

2009-02-24T10:08:00.000-08:00

So today is Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Shrove Tuesday, and Pancake Tuesday...

I think it's funny how we try to work indulgences out of our system... when our system (western, American cultural system) is indulgent. So to prepare to be 'holy' during lent we try to get 'all our sin out'

Mardi Gras is the easiest target for this visual... the celebration is comprised of masked, therefore anonymous, people getting all their 'sin' out, at night, in the dark... there is the safety in numbers thing, and mob mentality rolled into one.

At the height of all this 'tomfoolery' I'm struck most by my conclusion that I don't do the exact same thing... I tent to compare and contrast my behavior against such an easy target as Mardi Gras. However, my indulgence is just as destructive, just as dark, just as masked... It's just not celebrated as such?

The sins of: pride, indifference, lust, prejudice, competence, narcissism, (the violence of) consumption, disconnection from the body of Christ and countless others are what I keep hidden.

So before I look down upon such celebrations of 'sin' I must be fully aware of my sin that separates me from God.

what do you think?

Back to Normal

2009-02-17T11:00:00.001-08:00

I returned to the office this week for my first 'normal' week back since the last week of January. Here's the short list of explanation of absence:
* Covenant Clergy Midwinter Conference in Chicago Feb. 2nd-6th
* Shane Claiborne: The Simple Way: Friday the 6th Evening
* Oregon Center for Christian Values Advocacy training February 7th
* Vibrant Gathering focusing on the pillars of being Church February 8th
* Multnomah County Jury Duty: Monday February 9th: Juror in the Philip Sano Trial until Wednesday afternoon (11th)
* Got Sick (cold Thursday-Sunday)
* Valentines Day Breakfast with the Mathis'
* V Day evening dessert @ Pix Patisserie... with the amazing CJ: DJ, transvestite, lounge singer...
* Vibrant Gathering focusing on our attention on our Vibrant Congregational Identity...

Yesterday was a much needed day off...

Jury Duty: the waiting game

2009-02-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

Here I sit...
in a huge room with a other potential Jury Dut-ee-ains. We wait. every once in a while a officer of the court gets up reads from a list of names... everyone takes a deep breath... the tension is significant... the boredom is less noticable but no less significant...
I think we the potential jurors are in the nebulas space of ambiguity... not knowing when our name will be called...

there is the sense of the unknown in the ambiguous space... an emotional connection to what might be...

People are passing the time in various forms: reading working on computers talking quietly, there is a group of women that are playing "cranium" (very entertaining)...

We are in this together, but each separate... the table i share now is with 2 other computer users... we've talked internet...

is that it?

Church as Collaboration

2009-01-29T13:35:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about what our trademarks are as a congregation. We are a congregation of collaborators. We figure things out as we go... that is very different than making 'it' up as we go along. We have weathered many storms as a congregation mainly because of our shared value of collaboration. We have freedom to work things out together.

We are working on a project to give to our partner congregation in Dodoma, Tanzania. We wanted to give something of ourselves that would represent who we are and that we long to be with them. In the course of figuring out what we were going to create to give a visual representation of who we are. People became frustrated with the process of collaborating. Collaboration demands engagement... one cannot opt out and still be a collaborator.

I wonder if discipleship is more an act of collaboration than individuation?

What do you think?

What I like...

2009-01-20T15:28:00.000-08:00

I like:
Waking up next to Stacy (my wife) each day... even when I feel like I haven't gotten enough sleep.
Sunshine
Rain
Water
The way cold, wet air feels when I breathe deeply (Oregon Dankness)
Snow
The Sound of the Ocean
The feeling of getting tumbled in the waves
Sliding down the face of a wave on a board
A good conversation
Thinking
Dreaming
Skateboarding
Watching L'Aubergale run around in circles with excitement
Watching Cleo(catra)'s belly fur blowing when the heater turns on
Talking about and Pondering the words of Jesus
Fly Fishing on the Metolius (even if I don't catch any fish)
Snowboarding with friends
Attempting new things
Remembering laughter
Watching movies
Seeing what resides in the ocean (All creatures)
My family of friends

I like a lot of things but this is a good start

Woes and Curiosity

2009-01-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

I spoke this past Epiphany Sunday about Holy Curiosity being a prime motivator for our faith. I was hoping that this idea of curiosity was what compelled those invitees to see the new born king to travel to see him (and family).

I have been thinking that fear is a primary motivator for me... most often I fear what i can't control (most everything). I started making a list of things I can't control:
Life, others, history, world financial markets, war, politics, the number of people showing up to our gathering of worship, how much people tithe, etc...

The motivation though is to worry... I worry about most everything (when I'm truthful with myself)... I guess I come by my fearful motivation naturally enough... I'm barraged by media that sells my proneness to fear as a commodity. The more fear inducing stories the more people watch... the news becomes a horror short story of all that's wrong with the world...

Enough about the media... I have a fondness to worry and fear...

I remember a movie called "Mr Mom" where the dad convinces his little son to release his "woobie blanket" back into his care. My worry is like that "woobie blanket" that my heavenly father is inviting me to turn over to his care. My woes, fears and worries, become familiar motivation against a holy curiosity that stems from God.

Matthew 18 is an example of how we can return to childhood where we get to exercise humble, fear-free, holy curiosity...

Let it Snow... Let it Snow... Let it... stop snowing

2008-12-24T10:25:00.000-08:00

I really like snow... I like to drive in the snow... I like to play in the snow... I like the way it looks and feels... I like looking out my window at the snow falling... you could say I'm infatuated by it...

Right now it's snowing in Portland... it's been snowing consistently since the 14th of December... In north east portland, where Stacy and I live, there is about a 1 1/2 feet of snow and ice on the ground... and the snow continues to fall... we woke up to 3" this morning, and we should get 3' more by 10 p.m.

Like I said before, I like snow... but this snowfall has had it's consequences on my need for community... I find that the prolonged snow exposure has caused a selfishness fatigue. I feel a certain amount of cabin fever setting in. I'm actually disappointed I don't get to share my excitement with those I care most about...

The absence of having the worship gathering (worship service) has been difficult. We haven't met as a congregation for 2 Sundays due to the snow. In turn, I urn for being with my family of faith. I miss being with the people God has entrusted to my care (and me to their care).

I hope we are able to have a good turnout for our Christmas Eve worship gathering... I wait with anticipation for our time together and urn to share life together... it's amazing how absence makes the heart grow fonder...

This urning might be what advent is all about. I believe that there is a sense within us all of wanting what could be... I hope for reconciliation... not only personally... but in the context of community...

I have concluded that we must place ourselves in one another's orbit for reconciliation to happen... for what good is personal reconciliation, redemption, or revelation if they are not for the good of the community?

Fear = Lack of faith....

2008-12-16T12:05:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about I John 4 lately. The words that are written are an invitation out of fear, especially the fear of the unknown.
I can't help but be fearful of the unknown dangers, toils and snares that lay before us as individuals, culture and world. I tend to worry about things I can't control rather than exercise my faith... Worry is a way for me to participate in fear.

I believe that God has yet to abandon me, and I don't think God is about to start abandoning me (us) any time soon... it's just that I fear what I can't control... I fear the unknown future...

When I'm afraid i don't function in being present in the 'right now' of life. I usually gravitate toward an overwhelming sense of doom... that things aren't going to work out... that everything is going somewhere I don't want to go...

I once saw a bumper sticker that said, "Where are we going? and why am I in this hand-basket?"

If my fear is all tied up in what I can control then where does faith come in?

I have no idea how this whole economy thing is going to turn out... I don't think I'm supposed to know, mainly because I need to exercise my faith...

Faith that God is up to amazing things. Fear is my lack of faith.

"Perfect love drives out all fear" I John 4: 18

Big Ideas

2008-12-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

So, I've been meaning to write down some of my 'big ideas' for a while... mainly to get them in a tangible form (instead of rattling around in my noggin) and to get some of your big ideas.

So heres a list of 'big ideas,' I'll unpack them in future posts:

Following Jesus is Simple (but not easy)
One must be a student of others
The now is vital to understand the 'not yet' of the kingdom... I think Jesus was more interested in us living into the now...
Mystery is essential to faith
God is not interested in competency
God is not interested in efficiency
God is not interested in safe
Faith is active and participatory not passive and apathetic
Values are the most difficult and time consuming issue in our lives
Restoration and reconciliation are byproducts of grace
Fear is a trademark of sin
Embracing non-arrival is a faith-filled act
Holy Leisure is a gift from God (Holy Leisure = doing nothing for God)
Placing ourselves in other people's orbit is vital to knowing God
Collaborative ideas create ownership
Community is a gift

The list will grow... but I'm excited about unpacking some of these Ideas with you...

let me know what 'big ideas' you'd add to the list...

grace and peace,

cv

L'Aubergale Vs the Car Seat

2008-12-03T14:37:00.000-08:00

Our new dog L'Aubergale (Pronounced Low-ber-gale) was so frustrated with being left in the car earlier today that he chewed a bit of car seat to pacify his frustration.
I returned to the car this morning with L'Aubergale excited to see me, happy that I was back... and ready for the next adventure...

My response to this meeting, however, was with anger and frustration.

I was mad at him for being a puppy...

the damage is done... no catching him in the act, etc (the way to curb bad behavior in dogs is the 'redirect').

I felt a new kind of fear of the unknown... questions like will L'Aubergale tear up the whole car, given the chance? or was this a one time thing...

I had two meetings this afternoon that made it necessary for me to leave L'Aubergale unattended in the vehicle... needless to say, it was very difficult to concentrate on the discussion with the images of naugahyde, foam, and bare metal seat frames running through my head...

Guess what? I bought him a huge bone (which he ignored) just to give him other chewing options than the car... I gave him that more to pacify my fear than to give him a gift...

When I returned both times after my meetings he was fast asleep... no chewed up vehicle... no other destruction... all my fears unwarranted...

I am so motivated out of fear that I think it's chronic... but it's not working anymore... fear isn't a real motivation... it's an emotion that I react out of, but not a motivation...

Maybe, perfect love drives out all fear (I John 4)? I'd rather be motivated out of love than reacting out of fear... even at the expense of buying new car seats...

Reminders

2008-11-26T10:34:00.000-08:00

The leadership team for our church had planning 'get away' this past weekend.

During our time together I became increasingly aware of our journey of being church: past, present, and future...

We discussed the main areas of focus for our congregation and reflected on our journey. As a leadership team we must reflect on what has been in order to know what could be.

Our time was focused on what is now... being present in the 'now' is very difficult.

Most of the time I like to be somewhere (usually anywhere) else than where I'm at. I have a perpetual life set on a grass is greener perspective. Yet, I'm finding that being present is far more engaging that longing (urning) for something else.

I was most reminded about Jesus' words about the 'kingdom.' Jesus kept/keeps inviting followers into a kingdom that is here and elsewhere at the same time.

There seems to be a now and a not yet aspect to faith... I'm often reminded about what I know about myself others and the world, but more often I'm reminded about what I don't know about those same things.

Our congregation is full of now and not yet. We get to figure out how we live in a new kingdom that is not of this world.

All the while we get to be reminded that God is in control and that we get to participate in God's interests.

Busy Weekend Ahead... wait... I'm not a super hero?

2008-11-21T14:00:00.000-08:00

Some have said that planning isn't a strong suit of mine... I think 'the some' is right. My schedule in brief:
3:30 p.m. Take L'Aubergale on a long walk
4:00 p.m. Leave for Salem: wedding rehearsal
6:00 p.m. Leave Salem
7:00 p.m. Arrive for our Leadership Retreat
8:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m. Retreat

7:00 p.m. Dinner with Friends

Sunday Morning is open: Yay!

Wedding in Salem @ 6:30 p.m.

So what was I thinking when I scheduled all this together... I mean, sure it can be done, but I'm no super hero... wait... I'm not a super hero?

I read comic books and watch movies about people doing extraordinary things... I think sometimes I believe that I'm supposed to do it all...

Well, the boots, cape and tights don't fit like they used to and I don't think I was ever meant to wear them...

If I'm not supposed to wear the tights boots and cape, who is? Is Jesus supposed to wear the outfit? In fact, maybe my hero epics get in the way of a messiah that doesn't wear the garb of a super hero.

Maybe, that's what was wrong with people who approached Jesus looking for a show? Maybe they wanted a super hero and not a Messiah?

Thoughts?

L'Aubergale the Wolfhound

2008-11-18T12:46:00.000-08:00

Stacy and I adopted an Irish Wolfhound on Friday from the Oregon Humane Society.

We had gone to see him on Thursday night to 'try him out' at the kennel... We liked him, a lot... he was sweet, and gentle for a huge (91Lbs) dog.

I'm sure the meeting for L'Aubergale was similar to the other human's he came into contact with... he had the 'just get me out of here' anxiety.

For us, we were timid about hoping (see the unTruman show)... we were the 3rd hold (of 8) and our time wasn't going to happen until 6:30 p.m. friday night...

Friday was great, I went to the coast with a new friend, Gabe to go surfing... I forgot my wetsuit so I was stuck in the hammock (rough huh?) with my Iphone stuck on L'Aubergale's humane society page. The I phone has this great feature for those of us with OCD called the reload button... which I couldn't help but push every 15 min or so...

I used all my 'jedi' powers of Friday, attempting to 'will' this dog to be ours. Jedi powers or not I was hoping... even when I knew it was possible for more disappointment... I couldn't help it.

After I surfed for an hour, I knew that we could make it home before 5... so we loaded everything up and headed back to Portland.

As soon as I could I reloaded the page with what I hoped to be our dog... he was still there... none of those people who put holds on him adopted him...

At 6:15 p.m. on friday I picked Stacy up from work and we headed to the humane society... by 6:29 we were at the front desk beginning the process of adoption... we were so excited to get him!

Hope works, even when we can't help it...

Tired + Sad = Grumpy (and thoughts on Chuck Close)

2008-11-12T09:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was tough (read The Un Truman post)... I have found that when I am tired I am grumpy... mix a little sad in, and you have a very sad, tired, and grumpy cv...

So, I've been thinking about what a collaborative congregation looks like...

Last Christmas we took my parents, Vernon and Lynne, to see a Chuck Close exhibit at the portland art museum... The exhibit was a fantastic representation of how an artist (Mr. Close) would invite other artists (collaborators) to make huge prints together...

Chuck close is a paraplegic and an artist... his work is amazing... his limitations are actually what makes his work unique... his collaboration art invites others to participate in the process...

I'm certain that we can learn what being a collaborative congregation could be by experiencing art in similar ways...

Could it be that our congregation is art?

Collaborative Vision Test

2008-11-06T19:25:00.000-08:00

Last week I went to Chicago to condense a prayer retreat I helped write into a manageable form. The process was much like a vision test, you know, the kind where you sit in a chair... with the big goggle thing over your eyes... and the Dr. says... tell me which one is clearer?... one, or two... three, or four?... Now imagine that being done where six people are looking at every option...

Person one... sits in the chair... decides 1 and 3 are the best... the next person sits down and likes 2 and 4... the third person (me) asks why we are doing this... well you get the idea...

We had so many options to go through by the time we finished I was exhausted...

I believe that sometimes our faith is like looking at a map with a group of people... sometimes we look for the most efficient way of getting from point a to b... other times we are compelled to go a more scenic route (usually when we feel like we have the time, like when we are on vacation)...

I found my impatience in Chicago... by the time I got to the airport I had had it... I wanted to fly home on a direct flight... I was even on the standby list... the counter attendant told me that because I had gotten a cheap fare I was not allowed on the direct flight (with 27 open seats)... so off I ran... to another terminal to catch my flight to Seattle...

I was so upset, I didn't get what I wanted... I had to go the long way, just because someone told me I was a cheap-skate... oh man, that's rich!

Maybe the lessons I'm to learn are found in the travel, and not the destination...

Sermon on the mount... uncomfortable, very uncomfrotable...

2008-10-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

I visited an episcopalian worship service yesterday at noon. The Eucharist was centered on the sermon on the mount (Matthew 5). After the celebration we sat down and discussed the reading... I normally place myself in the position of first hearer... attempting to hear these words for the first time... one thing I noticed was my emotional discomfort with being one of the blessed people Jesus talks about, the second thing I was aware of was my dismissal of those that were blessed... like feeling sorry for them (far away 'them'), the third thing was my feeling of guilt that the far away 'them' was not necessarily my story, and finally (or fourthly) I was struck by the call of Jesus to be present with those that are blessed...

My discomfort with intentionally putting myself in the orbit of those that are blessed is striking. I have a value of comfort, I like things to be easy... I like my convenience... being blessed is not very convenient... being blessed demands presence... when I comes down to it, I don't know very many blessed people... when I do meet the blessed... I want to fix their problem... would that make them unblessed? does my discomfort come from my fear of blessing? Do I 'dismiss' because the sermon on the mount gets too close to my apathy, convenience... I honestly think that I may limit God because of my discomfort... It seems that this passage demands us to be present with those that are blessed... my question is, are we present when we are being blessed? Are we present with others as they are blessed? I hope so... cv

The Unfamiliar

2008-10-29T11:26:00.000-07:00

I was asked some questions from a friend about some thoughts I shared with our congregation concerning John 21... I'd like to hear your thoughts...

Can you give a little repreach of the sermon about "the unfamiliar"?

The idea of the unfamiliar came from the John 21 text... Simon Peter and the other disciples (that were fishermen) returned to their familiar trade. They were fishing as they would normally fish... Jesus shows up on the beach... they didn't know it was him... he tells them to fish on the other side of the boat... they do and haul a ton of fish...

The idea of the unfamiliar is that often we replicate what we know and what we like... rarely do we we venture to far off the beaten path...

Jesus' ridiculous suggestion that fish are on the other side of the boat is really fantastic... the fishermen probably got used to fishing on one side of the boat... they might have needed to swing all their gear (pulleys, cranes, etc) to the other side of the boat... they had to use their muscles differently, they had to see things from a different perspective... it's still fishing, the technique is the same, but the challenge would be huge... like learning to throw a ball with your opposite hand.

What is the unfamiliar? How do live a faith that pushes us to those places?

I believe that God shows up in the mundane, everyday, familiar moments, places, and spaces of our experience. The everyday, familiar happenings in our lives might be where God meets us face to face... It seems like Jesus continues to invite people out of themselves, to come and follow... but that means looking at the world differently... looking at what we do and who we are differently. The unfamiliar is simply the life we are used to living is redeemed by Jesus.

So the unfamiliar is where God interrupts us from the mundane and invites us to participate in life differently.

Are we supposed to live in the normal or seek the edges?

I believe that we are called to be willing to follow Jesus... now I do believe that sometimes we deem the act of 'casting our nets to the other side of the boat' a ridiculous idea, therefore we dismiss the call of Jesus and inevitably miss out on what God would have for us...

I think at some point we give up on the idea that things change, somehow we resist (because of fear) event the idea of God showing up in our everyday... I believe that this is closely correlated with our creative self... at some point (usually in primary education) we become aware that other people criticize the art within us... that what we produce is subject to and compared with other people's art... The art of a child is a simple reflection of the world that they see... the world as it is to them... what is important is relationships and how things feel... At some point we shelter ourselves from criticism and as a result, from the unfamiliar... the edges of our lives are the areas we protect, and in turn stifle because of fear... we fear the unknown within us... we fear the edges...

The unfamiliar is also a call away from competence, pride and self seeking... Jesus invites us into a new identity... we live in the present, but often we are drawn to nostalgia-ize the past (glorify it) or perceive a tumultuous uncertain future. The edges of ourselves aren't on the fringes, I believe the edges of the unfamiliar are right at this moment... Peter followed Jesus' suggestion... he threw the net on the other side of the boat... it's the same water... same apparatus... just 4 feet and a movement away... not miles, not future... 4 feet and movement...

Art is participation... participation in the unfamiliar and the unknown. we participate in being moved in different directions... Jesus demands participation from his followers... The beautiful image of God showing up in the everyday-ness of our lives is incredibly compelling... We are God's art...

does art help us stay comfortable or does it help us seek the unfamiliar, what art has helped you know this?

Art is a 'stick in the spokes' of comfortable... I am drawn to ocean imagery because of my relationship with the ocean. I respect the power of the ocean I can appreciate the thoughts, images, sights, smells and sounds the ocean brings to me from terror to placidity (and the terror of placidity). I don't believe that there is any such thing as bad art (just like I don't believe in failure). Art is a connection to the unfamiliar and I believe that God meets us in the unfamiliar.